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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23916580">But I Still Worry</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/huuuuuuuuulia/pseuds/huuuuuuuuulia'>huuuuuuuuulia</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Fluff, Kinda, Pre-Relationship, Sickfic, hand holding, ish, kaoru is an idiot and chisato is gay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:15:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,219</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23916580</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/huuuuuuuuulia/pseuds/huuuuuuuuulia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Chisato knew that Kaoru was an idiot, but this was crossing the line.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Seta Kaoru/Shirasagi Chisato</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>148</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>But I Still Worry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi this is just a lil fic i wrote instead of doing online school #immabadbitch. i hope you enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Chisato knew that Kaoru was an idiot, but this was crossing the line.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a relatively normal day, and a little light was added to it since Chisato had band practice with Pastel Palettes. She enjoyed a lovely walk with Eve and Aya to their rehearsal studio, appreciating how nice the weather was that day. It had finally turned warmer outside, but not too warm to where it was scorching, or where there would be bugs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Band practice exceptionally went well and Chisato found herself looking forward to the next concert her band was to be holding. The five girls conversed in an excited and cheerful manner that always brightened up Chisato’s day. Beforehand band practice was just another chore to Chisato, but now she had found herself seeing Pastel Palettes as another sanctuary where she could relax and let herself go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hina had eagerly brought up the suggestion of getting frozen yogurt when Chisato got a phone call from Kanon.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How odd. Kanon would usually text Chisato if she needed to contact her. If Kanon had made such an effort to call Chisato, then it must be important…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chisato excused herself from the rest of her band and took herself to a quiet part of her agency’s hallway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She answered the phone to hear Kanon frantically spluttering that Kaoru had just passed out during their band practice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Only a few quick words were exchanged after that. Chisato asked if Kaoru was okay, Kanon said in a tearful voice that she didn’t know, Chisato asked where they were and once she had received her answer she quickly ran out the doors of the agency and towards CiRCLE Live House, shooting Aya a text to return Chisato’s bass and change of clothes at school the next day.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<span>Kaoru was sitting on a bench and sipping at a bottle of water when Chisato had arrived. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of Hello Happy World was surrounding her, Hagumi and Kanon watched Kaoru anxiously as she casually conversed with Kokoro, who didn’t seem as affected as the rest of the band members.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, Chisato!” Kaoru flashed a dashing smile when she spotted Chisato arriving, “Do tell what brings you here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At that moment Chisato just wanted to walk up to Kaoru and throw a slap across her face. How dare she act as if she hadn’t just passed out? Chisato had sprinted from one building to another to see if Kaoru was okay, and yet Kaoru willingly ignored what had caused her to come over in the first place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The anger bubbled up, and the rest of the band seemed to take notice. Kanon’s anxious expression became even more distraught, and Misaki gave a sigh as if she were bracing herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chisato gave no reply to Kaoru’s greeting and instead stomped over, Kaoru gazing back expectantly. She glared down at the taller girl for a good minute. She examined Kaoru’s face. She was pale, and Chisato could trace Kaoru’s fatigue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Chisato…?”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you stupid?” Chisato blurted. Kokoro and Hagumi gaped at Chisato in surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well that’s a little rude of you to say, no?” Kaoru smiled weakly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re sick!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It is simply a common cold.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaoru, you literally passed out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess I just haven’t been drinking enough water…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t been drinking </span>
  <em>
    <span>water?!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Chisato’s voice rose and her glare became even more furious. Kanon apprehensively tried to intervene before Chisato could spat something incredibly insulting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“U-um! Perhaps we should get Kaoru-san to her home…” the drummer placed a gentle hand on the taller girl’s shoulder, “Kaoru-san, can you stand?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why of course.” Kaoru responded and quickly stood up from the bench, only to wobble on her feet and flop right back down. Chisato sighed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe we should get some food in your system,” Misaki suggested and begin to dig in her pockets for her wallet, “Please tell me you have at least eaten something today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fufu, of course I have, Misaki.” Kaoru chuckled, “I had toast for breakfast, and Lisa gave me some cookies for lunch.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that seriously all?” Chisato’s voice rose again and poor Kanon started to grow anxious again. Meanwhile, Hagumi and Kokoro seemed quite enthusiastic about the idea of having cookies for lunch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, I have really been craving cookies lately!” Hagumi chirped, “Especially after softball practice! Something crunchy and sweet after running around seems so nice!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaoru, next time could you ask Lisa if she’d make cookies for us?” Kokoro’s eyes glimmered enthusiastically. Naturally, Kaoru grinned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why of course. I will make sure to ask her next time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hagumi and Kokoro cheered while Chisato looked on in exasperation. They were sweet girls, sure, but as of right now they were being a terrible influence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Misaki-chan, don’t worry about buying anything,” Chisato remarked as Misaki pulled out her wallet, “I am just going to walk Kaoru home myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How kind of you.” Kaoru attempted a flirtatious smile but Chisato ignored it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, Kaoru was helped up by Kokoro and Hagumi. She didn’t have any trouble standing up this time, so Chisato took that as a good sign and decided to make their way to Kaoru’s house. After thanking Kanon for calling her and waving farewell to the rest of Hello Happy World, Chisato led Kaoru back to her house. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chisato had an earful to give Kaoru. There were so many scoldings she wanted to give her, about how she shouldn’t have gone out when she was sick, about how she should have drunk water, ate food that was not just empty carbohydrates…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Chisato could tell that her childhood friend was not faring well. Despite how casual she attempted to come off, Chisato noticed how Kaoru was congested and was definitely exhausted. Kaoru usually talked up a storm -- especially in Chisato’s company-- but throughout the whole walk home she was abnormally quiet. Despite her frustration, Chisato felt pity for Kaoru. She must have felt like this all day and forced herself to walk around in such a state. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The commotion that went down when Chisato arrived at the Seta’s with their daughter was expected. Kaoru had very doting parents, so naturally they had a freakout when they figured out that their child had passed out due to her being sick. There was a good ten minutes of Kaoru’s mother fretting over her daughter, asking far too many questions that Kaoru barely answered due to her tiredness. After an interrogation and changing Kaoru into her pajamas, Kaoru was curled up in her bed with Chisato accompanying her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to stay here, Chisato.” Kaoru remarked as the blonde took a seat besides her bed, “I really am quite alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you really though?” Chisato looked at Kaoru seriously. The taller girl gazed back, her expression unreadable. When Chisato concluded that she would get no response, she stood up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am going to bring you some food, okay? And after that you are going to sleep, don’t worry about homework. You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>going to school tomorrow.” Chisato shoved in the last sentence when Kaoru opened her mouth to protest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even now Kaoru’s house was like Chisato’s second home, so it was natural for her to help herself to the family’s kitchen. Kaoru’s father seemed to have the same idea about getting Kaoru something to eat, for he had cooked up what appeared to be soup. Chisato brought the food up along with a few bottles of water and some medication for Kaoru to have. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaoru ate and Chisato sat by silently, tapping away on her phone to occupy herself. After a matter of time Chisato noticed that Kaoru had curled herself under her covers and fallen asleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess now would be a good time to make my leave then.” Chisato whispered to herself, and silently made her way out of Kaoru’s room.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Kaoru was not expecting Chisato to be in her room the next morning, and quite honestly Chisato wasn’t either. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s because I can’t trust Kaoru to take proper care of herself on her own</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Chisato told herself as she made the decision to skip school and nurse Kaoru instead, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Her parents won’t be home and the airhead will probably forget to take her medicine. Yeah, that’s why…</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Though Chisato was well aware that Kaoru would never be that immature, and there was something more underlying Chisato’s motivations to take care of her childhood friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...Chii-chan…?” Kaoru slurred as she woke up and noticed the blonde sitting beside her bed again, “I thought you left?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I did, but I came back.” Chisato responded, handing Kaoru some pills and a cup of water once she had sat up, “Here, take your medicine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nursing me isn’t necessary you know.” Kaoru remarked after she tossed the pills in her mouth and downed them with some water, “I can take care of myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Considering the fact that you forced yourself to go to school yesterday despite your terrible condition, I find that to be very questionable.” Chisato retorted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaoru smiled, “A day away from my little kittens would be so painful, you know? It was a necessary and noble sacrifice. To think of how saddened my darlings would be without my attendance is--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get you some breakfast.” Chisato cut Kaoru off before she could ramble any further. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For most of the day Kaoru slept and Chisato watched in silence. Whenever Kaoru woke up, Chisato would ask if she needed anything and would get whatever requested. As expected Kaoru really was downplaying how bad her illness was. Despite her attempts to come off as her usual charming self, Kaoru was far too exhausted to put effort into her usual antics. In a way it was a good thing, because it kept Kaoru from getting on Chisato’s nerves with her silly little theatrics. Kaoru had admitted that she had been dealing with an awful headache for several days, and at times found herself getting dizzy if she moved around too much. After Kaoru had slept for the first half of the day and then eaten her lunch, Chisato noticed that Kaoru’s condition had not changed since the other day. Concerned, Chisato made the effort to check Kaoru’s temperature. Sure enough, she had a fever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To think you’d be this reckless…” Chisato sighed in slight dismay. Kaoru gave a small, sheepish laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, I guess it is that bad, huh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kaoru, I’m serious.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The taller girl fell quiet at the solemn tone of Chisato’s voice. She looked at the blonde with that same unreadable expression from before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you go to school when you were in such a bad condition?” Chisato asked, her voice low and quiet. Her violet eyes focused on her hands that twiddled with her skirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” Kaoru’s voice trailed, “I really just didn’t want to miss anything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You had a </span>
  <em>
    <span>fever</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Kao-chan…” Chisato sighed weakly and placed her forehead in the palms of her hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I honestly didn’t feel that terrible.” Kaoru’s voice softened at the murmur of her nickname.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You passed out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That...well I really was not expecting that to happen, honestly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The pair sat in a long stillness. Kaoru was now sitting up and gazed at Chisato, who still had her face in her hands. They both said nothing, until Chisato slowly began to talk again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know how scared I was?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaoru said nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When Kanon called me and told me you were unconscious, I immediately imagined the worst. I dropped everything and ran so fast…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Chii-chan, you know you didn’t have to--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can you just think about how I feel for a moment?” Chisato’s head snapped up and she locked eyes with Kaoru. She was wearing a scowl, yet in that scowl were eyes that had gone misty with tears. It was a look that caught Kaoru by surprise, for her eyes widened and she had clammed her mouth shut. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Every day I hear of actors and idols who are suffering. They neglect their physical and mental health, force themselves to take on task after task without stopping a moment to take care of themselves,” Chisato’s voice was slow and quick, “I’m surrounded by it. All the time I hear stories of idols who had succumbed to drugs or done self harm. Or worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaoru continued to gaze at Chisato.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I know that these fears are irrational and silly. I know that things could never get that bad, but…” A lump had formed in Chisato’s throat. She choked it down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think I would have ran all the way over to the live house if I didn’t care that much? Why did I walk you home? Why am I here right now, taking care of you?” Chisato’s face began to flush out of both anger and shyness; she was not used to being as upfront about this, yet she just had so much to say, “When I see all of these people suffering day to day, and then suddenly hear that the person I care so much about has passed out due to overwork, how would you expect me to act, Kao-chan? Do you know the terrible images that went through my head? Can you understand how awful it is to hear such a thing about somebody you--!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chisato’s voice cracked and she silenced herself. She could feel Kaoru’s gaze on her as she took deep breaths and slightly calmed herself down. The entire time Kaoru said nothing, and Chisato never looked up to see her expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just…I just don’t want you to make a mistake and end up hurting yourself just because people have expectations…” Chisato fell quiet again, fighting to maintain control of her emotions. The last thing she wanted was to start crying over something so silly, such irrational fears…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I worry, Kao-chan. Especially about you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Chisato could hear Kaoru faintly inhale. She fought to keep the tears that had welled up in her eyes from falling over. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaoru suddenly reached her hand out. It gently placed itself on top of Chisato’s. The blonde looked down and focused her gaze on the hand on top of hers. Kaoru had her eyes looking down at her lap. After hesitant silence, Kaoru spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I make people happy and I love it. I always want to do what I can to see somebody smile.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chisato silently listened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...So I always focus on what makes other people happy, and I guess that’s led to me focusing a little less on myself as of lately.” Kaoru murmured, “When I thought about how I wouldn’t be at school, I thought of how disappointed everybody would be. And the thought of me letting them down made me feel so guilty. Even now, I feel terrible for not seeing Hello Happy World, or attending drama club practice…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chisato took her other hand and gingerly placed it over Kaoru’s. She clasped the taller girl’s hand in hers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...I guess I’m just a little afraid of letting people down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence arrived again. Chisato still held on to Kaoru’s hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You and I are so similar it’s scary.” Chisato gave a wry smile and looked up at Kaoru. She gazed back curiously.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m always so hard on myself for not living up to what people want. The idea of letting a fan or co-worker down makes me feel just terrible...I always find myself pushing to please other people. Honestly, I have no right being so worried since I always do the exact same thing as you did.” She laughed cynically, “But it’s because I make the same mistakes that I fear of you making them as well. I know how it can hurt."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You shouldn’t just focus on me. If you’re causing yourself trouble then perhaps you yourself should be your top priority.” Kaoru responded, giving a gentle smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Unlike you, I’m working on it.” Chisato responded and Kaoru laughed wryly then looked away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kao-chan,” Chisato began, “please just take care of yourself. I know that you worry about others, but I can guarantee you that both your friends and fans would rather see you healthy than forcing yourself for their sake.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaoru remained still, as if pondering something, then gave a small nod. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...At the very least,” Chisato hesitantly added, her face feeling a little warm again, “Do it for me. I don’t want to see you hurt. I really do care, even if I get frustrated sometimes...I just want you to be happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaoru didn’t look up, but her expression slowly turned into a gentle blush and smile. She nodded silently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing more was said. Chisato finally felt her emotions calm down, except for the slightly rapid thud in her chest as she continued to hold Kaoru’s hand. For how long did she want to stay like this? Chisato didn’t necessarily mind the hand holding, but it would be awkward if she just suddenly pulled away…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaoru yawned and Chisato guessed that the taller girl had grown tired again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should probably let you rest now.” Chisato remarked. Kaoru nodded, but remained as she was. Her slight blush deepened and her hand began to play with the bed sheets. There was an awkward silence until Kaoru shyly spoke up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Could you…” Kaoru hesitated. Her eyes remained focused on her lap, “Could you...continue to hold my hand? While I sleep, I mean.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chisato blinked a few times. Kaoru backtracked at the response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“N-nevermind, that was silly.” She laughed awkwardly, “It’s not a big deal, just a small idea...sorry…” Embarrassed, Kaoru pulled her hand away and flopped back down onto her bed, her back facing Chisato.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Kaoru buried herself under the covers, Chisato got herself off her chair and onto her knees. She leaned onto Kaoru’s bed and tapped her shoulder. Curiously, Kaoru turned around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Holding hands is fine.” Chisato said simply. She grinned and Kaoru’s eyes widened in surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chisato shrugged and giggled, “Why not?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kaoru blushed, and Chisato felt herself blush too. There was honestly no platonic explanation for both Kaoru’s suggestion and Chisato’s approval, but perhaps Chisato didn’t have a problem with that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, Chisato’s hand found Kaoru’s. They intertwined fingers, much to Kaoru’s surprise. Her hand froze, a little surprised at first, but then gingerly followed Chisato’s lead and interlocked her hand with the other’s. Chisato’s gaze stayed focused on their hands until over time she noticed Kaoru close her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you for taking care of me, Chii-chan.” Kaoru whispered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...And thank you for looking out for me. I’m sorry for scaring you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chisato didn’t reply and Kaoru said no more, because by then she had drifted off to sleep. Chisato remained awake and allowed herself to finally look up at Kaoru as she slept.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She looks so gentle…</span>
  </em>
  <span> Chisato thought to herself, </span>
  <em>
    <span>She’s such a gentle person, after all...</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Chisato watched Kaoru as she lay in slumber. She ogled at how peaceful she looked, how pretty she was...until Chisato eventually felt herself become tired as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perhaps it was the sleepiness, or maybe Kaoru’s fever had gotten to Chisato as well, but something had led Chisato to slowly lean in and place a light kiss on Kaoru’s forehead before nuzzling her head against the bed and closing her eyes. She slept peacefully, holding on to Kaoru’s hand as she did so.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hope this wasn't so hopelessly stupid ahaha<br/></p></blockquote></div></div>
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